Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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