getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
