Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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