She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
