I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
