you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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