How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize