I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
