you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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