considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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