I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
