please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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