Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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