I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
