Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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