just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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