If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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