He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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