Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
