when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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