My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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