At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
