I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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