Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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