I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
