ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
