I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
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so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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