It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
