Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
