Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
