she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
