He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
