no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
