whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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