he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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