remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
