i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
