Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize