i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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