Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
