filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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