I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
