The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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