I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
