You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
