the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
