Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
