I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
