exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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