Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I smell like Dick and happiness
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