anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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