Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So vagazzling was a success
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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