Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
