sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Such a big mess for such a small penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
