I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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