I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
