like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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