ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
