She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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