so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
