i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
