I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize