Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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