I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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