If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
