Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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