You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
